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THIS WEEK: 3 Days to Kill starring Pa Kent himself (Kevin Costner).
Costner plays a retired and sick CIA (or Secret Service?) hitman who tries to reconnect with his estranged wife and teenage daughter but gets sucked in to do…surprise! One…more…job.
- Costner is his usual laid-back self, but does his usual good job. He’s believable as both a cold-hearted bad-ass and a stern, clueless-but-sincere dad. And his comedy is dry but funny.
- Some nice car chases, fight scenes and shoot-outs. Couple creative/unusual death scenes and “persuasion” choices for obtaining information.
- Costner’s “boss”, played by Amber Heard (heard what? Crickets in the audience. HAH!) has a super-hot face, walk and attitude, but not the bod to back it up. If yer into the junkie-skinny-type, you’ll be happy; but if you believe like me that bones are for dogs and meat is for men, you could do better.
- Some genuinely funny, laugh-out loud parts. Especially the bits with Guido and the other father figure, Mitat.
- Very good twist with the bad dude that I didn’t see coming. That’s all I’ll say.
- Tiny stuff: They couldn’t get an African or African-American infant? Or at least CG the baby they had to look like one? I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies, but even I know newborns don’t have their eyes wide open outta the womb. And they ain’t all dried off and neat either. But I guess it’s better than lookin’ at one o’ those slimy, drippy babies in other movies.
- Lots of violence but no nudity other than some chick’s butt at a tattoo parlor. (It was a nice one, but when you have that much potential, especially scenes in a strip club, ya gotta deliver, man!)
- Oscar-nominated Hailee Steinfeld is good but wasted here.
- Big stuff: This really wants to be/should be two movies: a spy-thriller/comedy and a father-daughter family dramedy. Most movies like this are 80/20 or 70/30 respectively, but this was 50/50 or even 40/60. So if you’re a big fan of one, you’ll be bored or turned off by the rest. Me, I wanted more thrills and spy stuff. The rest coulda been saved for the Hallmark channel.
It’s not a complete waste of time thanks to the previously mentioned cool scenes, chases, bad-guy twist and comedy. But there a ton of other movies that are better for the, um, John Ray [MIKE: That’s “genre”, you idiot. It’s French.] Shaddup, writer-boy! the only French I care about is my fries. And since most of this movie takes place in Paris, I’ve had my fill of the French for the year! Mainly for fans of Mistah Costner.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes, Mike Pascale, the Kent family or the French people. Bru-Hed is available for parties, and you can pay him in beer and/or food. He won’t take Francs but loves franks (with beans of course)!