Beer Abby #19: “It’s 2012 But The World Can’t End Till After Football Season” January 5, 2012 – Posted in: Beer Abby, Blog, Featured Columns – Tags: Beer Abby, Mike Pascale
Happy week after New Year’s, my babes and brawn! It’s the week after the last holiday of “holiday season”, when everyone is supposed to be back and work and getting crap done–but most are still off physically or mentally, so not much gets done this week either. No problem, as it gives you folks a lot more time to email me your questions and requests for rockin’ reasoning to help you weather the storm that is your life. How nice of me.
Welcome to a New Bru Year. This one is a leap year, which happens every four years I think. Of course, that would mean that every Presidential election happens only on a Leap Year, and that doesn’t seem right. Dang, the year’s only a few days old and already my head hurts. Hold on while I grab a beer.
Anyway, this one is shorter than normal to help ease you back into the groove and grind. (I’m nothin’ if not gentle. The ladies like that crap.) Here goes:
What did you get for Christmas?
I got pissed off at all the Christmas crap I saw everywhere. Everything from Christmas M & Ms (really, it’s just plain M & Ms with all the colors besides red and green removed) to Christmas condoms (I don’t need red and green on my Big Bru!). I also got frustrated that the cool Hallmark ornaments I wanted are still only half off, instead of 70 or 80 percent off like they were last year at this time! Cheapos. [Editor’s note: “Big Bru”? More like “Micro Bru”!]
What did you do for New Year’s eve?
Times Square, NY
I watched the sad excuse for New Year’s “entertainment” that was on the networks (Ryan Peecrest? Really?) and quickly popped in a DVD of classic beer commercials. And the Seahawks-Saints playoff game from a year ago. Good times! And I never puked or had anyone puke on me for a change. Win-win.
I hate sending out Christmas cards. Yet people keep sending them to me, and I feel guilty and then have to rush like mad, buy and send a bunch out at the last minute, or usually after Christmas. What do you do?
Gil T. Conscience
I hear ya, man. Send a mass email and tell them you do it to “save the environment.” They’ll think you’re socially responsible and not lazy. If you don’t have their email address, print out your email and send it in an envelope–this way you’ll look sensitive and they’ll feel like crap for making you kill a tree to send it! It wouldn’t be the holidays without a bunch of guilt to go around, so no worries.
Are you concerned about the world coming to an end this coming December?
N. Trey Damous
Ain’t gonna happen. As the title of this column notes, the NFL would lose way too much dough if that happened. Look for it in February of ’13 instead, after the Super Bowl. (Or better yet, right afterwards during the new American Idol or whatever lame-ass show Fox tries to shove at us after the game!)
See you next week. Make sure you click on the “Contact” button at the top of the page and send me your queer queries, you quipping queens and kings!
P.S.: NEW YEAR DEAL! I’ll let you snap up my trade paperback collection, THE COLLECTED BRU-HED, for a 2012 end-of-the-world price of just $12.00–US postage included! That’s two bucks off the cover price and Yours Bruly pays the ridiculous postage cost for you! You get 128 pages of b & w fun-filled comics and more. For details or to place your order, click here TODAY.
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not trained or certified or even interested in animal husbandry. He doesn’t want to get married at all! All information herein is meant for entertainment and general fun only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send Silly Putty-transferred comic strips. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you have none. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way, now or ever, even with a time machine or wormhole. Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. The fact that you don’t read this makes you a real maroon. Wipe that smile off your face with a wet towel!