BEER ABBY #25: “What Do Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Kate Upton, Ghost Rider, Nic Cage, Gary Friedrich and Kevin Smith Have In Common?” February 16, 2012 – Posted in: Beer Abby, Blog, Featured Columns – Tags: Beer Abby, Mike Pascale
Well, whattaya know, another week, another batch of craziness. Whitney expired too early, John Severin left in pretty good time, Ghost Rider opens just as its creator gets closed out. And a new comic book geek TV show. What do they all have in common? YOU mugs sent me questions on alla them! Let’s get to the emails:
What–or who–do you think killed Whitney Houston?
Big Whit Fan
Dear Big Whit:
According to TMZ, it was a mixture of prescription drugs and booze. Pretty much the same thing that killed Greg Giraldo, Jimi Hendrix and who knows how many other sad celebs. Don’t think we can pin this one on Bobby. He may have beat her up when they were together, but he ain’t smart enough to murder anyone. In fact, I’m a little surprised he wasn’t the first one to go with that kinda mixture. But he probably couldn’t figure out how to open the childproof cap!
What’s your favorite Whitney video?
A. Nother Fan
If you’re talking about Whitney Houston, I really haven’t seen any, or any that I can remember. I prefer Whitney Cummings. Nice butt, good comedy, and funny as hell! Watch her show on Wednesday nights at 8pm on NBC. Her friends on the show are nice to look at too, especially the blond.
What did you think of the whole Marvel vs. Gary Friedrich and Ghost Rider case? Does this mean you’ll sue people who sell sketches of you at conventions?
Central Valley, CA
Sorry about the ruling. Marvel is owned by Disney, who are legal Nazis. They’d sue their own parents for copyright infringement! Friedrich should not have reproduced images of the Ghost Rider character without their permission, tho, if he planned on suing them. I bet if he never said a legal peep no one would have cared. And he should have listed himself as CO-creator, because even *I*, who hate stupid comics, know that Mike Ploog drew the first drawings! Gotta give props to the visuals, folks. As for the movies, Nic Cage could easily cover what Gary owes with a tiny percentage of his check. But since he’s several million in debt, thanks to his crappy real estate and other investments, gambling, legal issues and everything else, there ain’t a chance of him sharing any dough with anyone except the IRS and his banks.
Marvel ain’t gonna sue idiots like you and other lame artists who do dumb sketches of their characters. They just don’t want you sellin’ mass-produced prints and crap.
As for me, if you give me a case o’ beer for each unauthorized image of me you do, we’re good.
Bobby Brown asked Whitney’s fans to pray for him. Did you?
Whitney fan #103,413
Dear Whit fan:
Just how many of you are out there? Jeez. Anyway, I prayed for someone to smack Bobby around like he smacked Whitney. Fair is fair.
Is Kate Upton the hottest SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit model ever?
I think she’s dang hot, of course–smokin’ bod and face. But those love puppies on her chest hang much too low for a chick that young. By the time she’s my age they’ll be bouncin’ off her knees, which is definitely not hot. I’ll take Elle and some of the others anyday. But that doesn’t mean the pages of her SI issue I bought won’t be stuck together soon!
Okay, here’s the last one before I buy a couple more copies:
Did you catch Kevin Smith’s show, COMIC BOOK MEN yet? I thought it was pretty funny and they had cool stuff.
Yeah, I caught it. I thought it was okay. You know, Pascale (the dumbass who draws my adventures) still has a fax from Kev at his old store sayin’ he dug my comics! So it wouldn’t be cool if I ripped on him and said he looked too sweaty at the mic. He’s funny as hell, actually! But some of the guys on there are a bit on the weird side. Too long–show should be a half hour. And definitely too comic-geeky fer me. If they all drunk beer and shot guns like they do on TOP SHOT or drove cool fast cars like on TOP GEAR, I’d be more interested. But if yer one o’ dem geeky types, you’d like it.
Speaking of geeky, click over on the “Contact” link at the top o’ this page and send me a good geek question for next time! Doesn’t have ta be about comics or pop culture, either. Science, physics, psychology, family planning, social issues, national defense, religion, politics, animal husbandry, Bolivian basket weaving, whatever! I got yer back.
P.S.: Be a good guy and support Gary Friedrich! Donate some dough here. If you do, send me a receipt and I’ll send you a copy of my paperback collection, THE COLLECTED BRU-HED, for a too-cheap price just $2.00–US postage included?! The rest of the $8 I’ll tell Pascale to donate to Gary too. For details or to place your order, click here TODAY. And in the meantime, send me some GOOD questions! Anonymous is fine. I just like to rant.
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed IP attorney nor does he even have any intellectual property of his own. No advice is given or implied, got it? All information herein is meant for entertainment and ranting purposes only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send Kate Upton topless photos. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you’re as humorless as Alan Moore. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or Disney. Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. If you use anything here without our permission, I’ll have my lawyers Nonose Figuli and Stonefist Mannicotti send you a “cease and desist” letter wit’ brass knuckles. Got it?