This is your bandleader Bru marching you into March madness! True, the college basketball extravaganza begins later in the month but there’s always plenty of madness going around this time of year, so the madness never really ends (or begins). Crazy celebs, wacky politicians, flaky artists and goofy regular folk never fail to crowd the headlines for insanity. For example, your emails:
Beer Abby: Recently the only way my wife and I can get romantic is if we dress up like giant wombats or weasels. Are we normal?
Willy W. West West Wincester, WY
you’re as normal as the rest of us. Now if you lived in North Newberry, New Hampshire and dressed up like Newts or Nightingales, that would be weird. (As long as you don’t breed.)
Sometimes when it’s really quiet at night, I ask questions of the universe. Strange part is, I can usually hear a woman’s voice from the Dog Star answer me. What should I do?
Tim C. Cuppertino, CA
Turn off your iPhone!
Beer Abby: Whenever there’s a full moon, I notice my face gets hairy, my nails get long and I sprout fangs. Then I black out and wake up the next day covered in blood with no memory of what happened. What’s wrong with me?
Larry Talbot Lupo, NM
I’m no doctor (see disclaimer at bottom), but I’d say you’ve either been bitten by a werewolf or you drink way too much Jack and Coke. Either way, see a professional. And avoid the worlfsbane.
Dear Bru-Hed: While hiking in the Oregon woods, my friend and I noticed very large footprints. After following them, we ran into a giant, hairy, human-like creature. He smelled horrible and growled loudly at us, scaring us half to death! Luckily we ran away to our truck and drove off. What do you think that awful creature was?
Clueless Camper Eugene, OR
It was either Bigfoot, or one of the Oakland Raiders players was lost again. Best way to tell the difference is the cranium capacity. If the head was larger than a monkey’s, it was probably Bigfoot.
Hey Bru-Hed: I’m bummed that Sheldon Moldoff, last of the Golden Age Batman artists, died earlier this month. He drew so many awesome covers over the years, from early Green Lantern to Hawkman to the JSA and more in the Silver Age. Nice guy, too. After Jerry Robinson and Lew Sayer Schwartz passed away, there’s nobody left who ghosted for Bob Kane and drew my favorite character before 1962. So my question is, who’s left? Who’s currently the oldest living Batman artist?
M. Uslan NYC, NY
Hey, Mr. U.:
You know, that’s a good question. I never met that Sheldon guy but I always heard good things about him from Pascale. I’ve seen some of those covers and I liked ’em too, even though I hate comics. Batman’s probably the coolest super-dude around, along with Wolverine. I have no idea who’s drawn Batman the earliest nowadays. (I’d ask Pascale but he’s out, probably at some stupid comic book store looking for topless covers, the weirdo.) If any of you kind readers know the answer, please say so in the “comments” section.
And finally, gang…
Dear Bru– Hey, tell everyone thanks for the kind words. I miss everybody too, but I had a pretty good run. Just letting you know I caught up with Jerry and Lew, and Bill Finger and the rest of the gang.They’re all good. Really nice place here. But still no sign of Bob. No one seems to know where he is. Last time anyone saw him he was dressed in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt and said he was going “south.” I’ll let you know if we run into him.
I think he went south…WAY south.
Gotta go drop some brownies off at the pool, so I’ll be back to help next week, okay? But please send me some better stuff! Click on “CONTACT” at the top of the page. If you want to remain anonymous (and who can blame you), just make up a name!
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, though he could probably use a few himself. No advice is given or implied unless it helps you. All information herein is meant for entertainment and sniggling purposes only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send an autograph of Zach Galifinakis. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you’re as humorless as most political candidates. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or your inbred kin. Contents copyright 2012 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. Sheldon Moldoff did awesome cover work and Bob Kane was a cheap dick.