Hey there, my beer-babies! It’s the final week of March Madness and I’m ready to eat, drink and be wary of all the drunken idiots I’ll have to deal with after the tournament is over. The madness may be winding down in New Orleans next week, but it’s still growing uncomfortably amongst my fan base, so let’s see how I can help you kind and simple folk handle the stresses and messes that seek to harsh our mutual buzzes. Or maybe you’ll just send the usual lame set-ups for my stinging comebacks. Let’s find out:
Beer Abby– So who do you think will end up winning March Madness this year?
B. Knight Chairthrow, IN
Gotta be CBS.
Dear Bru: C’mon, man, which NCAA team will win the tournament and take home the NCAA trophy?
J. Groce Columbus, OH
Easy. Whichever team pays its players the most!
Hey B.H.: You seem like a real man like me. An old-fashioned guy’s guy. I still think a woman’s place is in the home. Don’t you agree?
R. Limbaugh Oxylove, MD
I believe a hot woman belongs in my home. An ugly one belongs in yours. Got it?
Mr. Hed, Sometimes I have friends drop over unexpectedly and the only beer I have is in the pantry. How can I make it cold in a hurry?
Homer S. Springfield, IL
Here’s a simple trick: Cover it with ice and iodized salt for five or six minutes. It will be plenty cold to drink. Learned it from Mythbusters, so it’s gotta work! If not, blame the two pasty white guys.
Dear Bru– Here’s a riddle: An electric Amtrak train is travelling east at 60 miles per hour. The wind is travelling southwest at 30 miles an hour. Which way will the engine’s smoke blow?
That’s all the March madness I can take for the month, so I’ll be back to help more of you next week, okay? But please send me some better stuff! Click on “CONTACT” at the top of the page. If you want to remain anonymous (and who can blame you), just make up a name!
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed bracketologist, ball-handler or basketball coach, but he has thrown a chair or two. And he’s been known to dribble. No advice is given or implied unless it’s really helpful. All information herein is meant for entertainment and quipping purposes only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send autographed balls (just the big orange ones that bounce). We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you’re a slutty, fat-headed, drug-addicted, racist misogynist like Limboy. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you, Jamie Hyneman or Adam Savage. Contents copyright 2012 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. Who ya gonna call? Mythbusters!