Happy day, hungry seekers of wit and wisdom! Your pal Bru is here again to assist you thru the week and thru your ho-hum life. I really appreciate your desperate email cries for help; I exist to serve you. (Well, not really, but it sounds better than saying I exist to drink beer and watch TV and hit on hot chicks while taking a half hour once a week to answer your goofy questions.) Let’s get right to it:
Beer Abby: Are you going to see the new THREE STOOGES movie this weekend? Are you a fan? Jerry Lewis said in a documentary that they had the worst timing of any comedians.
A. Troll Critical, KS
Don’t mess wit’ my boys! Of course I’m gonna see the new movie about the Stooges–the GREATEST COMEDY TEAM IN HISTORY. Don’t know if I can see it this weekend, or if it will do them the comedic justice they deserve, but I gotta support the team. As for Jerry Lewis, he shouldn’t be in a documentary on stooges history, he should see a doc about his mentally stupid history of making such ridiculous statements! Moe, Larry and Curly (and Shemp for that matter) were always funnier than he ever was. How many Jerry Lewis TV shows, DVDs and film festivals have you seen over the last 20 years? Jealousy is ugly–even more than ol’ Jerry. Go see the film.
Dear Bru– Seems like every business I call these days has one of those annoying automated systems. I can hardly ever get to a real person, and even if I do, it takes like five minutes of punching humbers, waiting, punching more numbers or talking to a machine. What can we do?
Frustrated Friend Fresno, CA
I hear ya! Nothing gets my cockles cooked like having to deal with that electonic wench when I call a company. Even worse is when they don’t even let you press numbers and force you to talk out loud to some crappy voice-partial-recognition program that keeps saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that” over and over until you blow your stack and yell, “F*** YOU!!!!!” at the top of your lungs and then feel like a moron when you realize the only person who’s heard you is some old lady or kid standing near you in public! Hate those things.
what I do to get past them is press “0” right away. If I don’t get transferred, I’ll try just pressing it a bunch of times continuously till I hear them transfer me. Unfortunately, some companies (who obviously hate their customers) have gotten wise to this and program the system to just say, “I’m sorry you’re having trouble. Please call again later” and friggin’ HANG UP ON YOU. WTF? *I’M* having trouble? The only “trouble” I’ll have is getting the stink-bomb I built into the package to mail to whoever is in charge of YOUR horrible phone system!
Anyway, a good resource is the web site www.getahuman.com, which has a big list of companies and the best numbers to call and press to get connected to a human…that is, a non-native English-speaking human who you won’t be able to understand who’s also powerless to help you anyway!
Hey Bru-Hed: Best Buy’s CEO just resigned. They’re closing 50 stores and the stock is at a multi-year low. People are calling them an Amazon showroom. Same with Barnes & Noble–they were the largest bookseller in the country if not the world. Their stock is near a multi-decade low too. Borders Books and Music went out of business. People seem to be buying books digitally and on the Net from Amazon. What happened? They all used to be huge.
W. Alan McCollough Circuit City, VA
Don’t know how old you are, but I remember when Best Buy and Borders and B & N came into my town and were basically responsible for closing up all the Mom & Pop local electronics and independent booksellers. What happened? It’s called “karma.”
Beer Abby– Does this look swollen to you?
Scott H. L. Reddish, MI
Dude, get that thing away from me. Go see a doctor–or a hooker!
That did it, friends. I don’t have the stomach to go on. Gonna swig some Pepto and Pabst, crunch some Tums and Tostitos, watch the Stanley Cup playoffs and see y’all next week.(Go Red Wings!)
Till then, keep your eye on the prize, your nose to the grindstone, and your balls to the wall! N’yuk n’yuk n’yuk!!
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed hockey pucker. No advice is given or implied unless it’s laiden with drollness. All information herein is meant for entertainment and opinionment purposes only. Any material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send a cool Jason goalie mask. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you’re not a Wings fan. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or Canada. Contents copyright 2012 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. Does anyone remember Howe and Yzerman?