Happy Thursty-day, hungry seekers of wit and wisdom! Your pal Bru is here again to assist you thru the week and thru your ho-hum life. I really appreciate your desperate email cries for help; I exist to serve you. (Well, not really, but it sounds better than saying I exist to drink beer and watch TV and hit on hot chicks while taking a half hour once a week to answer your goofy questions.) Let’s get right to it:
Beer Abby: What beer goes best with pizza?
Curious in Columbus
The kind that’s cold.
(Like it friggin’ matters? It’s BEER!!!!)
Dear Bru-Hed– Why don’t you lose your beer belly? You could be a lot healthier.
Rich Simmons LaLane, LA
Why don’t you shut the hell up? No, I’m kidding. That’s a valid question. The reason I don’t get rid of my brew gut is because then I’d have nowhere to rest my beer can when I’m sitting in a chair that doesn’t have a cupholder.
Beer Abby: I want to make my own comics but I’m not sure whether to go digital or printed. What do you recommend?
D. Sim Kitchensink, ONT, Canada
I recommend you don’t be a lazy-ass like Pascale. Just friggin’ make those comics! You can put ‘em up on a web site, make an e-book and sell on Amazon, and then make trade paperbacks of the collected issues later. But make sure they’re good. Plenty of crap out there already.
Mr. Bru, What do you think of truffles?
Rachel Raygun Foody, NJ
I think they need to be renamed! I had some at the chocolate place–Godiva or Godzilla, I forget–and they were awesome! Real rich and creamy. But when I ordered some at a fancy restaurant (I wasn’t payin’, of course), my plate was full of fugly, fuzzy MUSHROOMS!! Ugh! WTF?! Who the hell doesn’t know the difference between dessert and fungus? This is serious, man. People could die from this mix-up. (I almost ralphed on my plate!) That is just so wrong Get yer names straight so we consumers know what the hell we’re consuming. Got it?
Beer Abby– What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
D. Lama Temple, Tibet
I don’t know and I don’t care!
Well, damn, we’re out of time, space and matter…or at least emails that matter. Send me some more! I like giving you guys and gals good advice. Makes me feel all warm beneath the waist. Oh wait, I dropped my salsa…
See ya next time,
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed chef or fry-cook. No advice is given or implied unless it’s chock-full o’ fun. All information herein is meant for entertainment and rant-ment purposes only. Any material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send a box of Godiva chocolates. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you’re a vegan. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or the Food Network. Contents copyright 2012 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. The only cool mushrooms are clouds full of chocolate.