BEER ABBY #37: “Facebook IPO, The Avengers & Monkeying With The Monkees ” May 10, 2012 – Posted in: Beer Abby, Blog, Featured Columns

©2012 All Ages Media

 

Greetings my beer buddies! Well, it’s AVENGERS week and I couldn’t be happier. Hulk kicks major butt and the Black Widow’s butt is booty-ful. (I’ve already taken note of two scenes I’ll be pausing for several minutes when I get the DVD.) It’s a great movie despite the ridiculous hype. But it’s time to move on now! We have much more important things to do, like answer your burning questions on life and finding the best deals on six packs at CVS.

 

Beer Abby:
Are you buying shares of the upcoming Facebook IPO?

Morgan Stanley
New York, NY

Dear Morgan:
What the hell is an IPO? Internet Pansies Organization? International Pomegranate Offensive? Interesting Penises of Oslo? Unless it’s a type of beer or snack food, I ain’t buyin’.

While we’re on the subject of anti-social media:

 

Dear Bru-Hed,
Some of my Facebook friends on the site post nothing but one-sided political rants, adamant religious proselytizing or attacks on anyone who doesn’t agree with their views. I don’t want to offend them by dropping them as friends, but I can’t stand all that. How do I block it without getting them upset?

M. Zuckerberg
Roadshow, CA

Dear Zuck,
Way I see it, you have several choices:
1) Stop reading it and skip over all their posts,
2) Politely ask them to back off,
3) Defriend them anyway and lie when they ask why,
4) Go to Facebook’s Help page and see what your options are, or
5) Email customer service and–oh wait, they don’t LET you email them! So much for customer service. Guess they just want you to bend over and take it. Like eBay, they don’t have time for contact with their customers. You’re not worth it. So if you’re not worth it, they don’t care what you want and don’t care how you feel. So why should you? Either shut up and be grateful you have ANY friends, or use Twitter or Pinterest or something else.

 

Beer Abby:
I just saw the AVENGERS movie and really liked it. So many great scenes, especially with the Hulk. What was your favorite part?

J. Whedon
Greatness, CA

Dear J.:
Hmmm…Great question. Either Scarlett Johansen’s love pillows in a black bra or her seat flesh-cushions in skintight spandex. Hard to choose!

 

Hey Bru–
I think AVENGERS was all hype. It didn’t look that hot. So it broke some dollar-related records. Big deal! Anything with inflation can make more money than something from a long time ago. The 3-D sucked. Don’t you think either TITANIC and AVATAR were way better and the best and biggest films ever??

J. Cameron
Titanic, NY

Hey J.–
The Hulk isn’t the only one who’s green. But he’s green with cash, not envy!

 

Dear Mr. Hed,
AVENGERS was okay but not great. Let’s face it–THE DARK KNIGHT RISES is going to be the real hit of the year! How can a bunch of bickering joking jocks wearing garish primary colors, a pretend Russian redhead with an average-looking face
and a dumb fake CG monster who can’t talk even compare to a brooding kick-ass detective fighter in all black with super-powered vehicles and gadgets galore? Not to mention a gorgeous hot cat-like woman who has sex with anyone! Aren’t you most looking forward to this Dynamic Conclusion from such a Distinguished Competitor?

Robert Kane Wayne
Gotham, NY

Dear Mr. Wayne,
Beyond the fact that all our letters so far have come from either NY or CA, I’m noticing a theme here. I don’t care which film is better, as long as it has action, violence and hot chicks in it. Unless, of course, they have the Daring Courage to come out with Bat Beer! Then I could be swayed. Definitely the best tie-in product ever. Hear me, marketing monkeys?

Lastly, speaking of monkeys …

 

Beer Abby–
My favorite member of The Monkees, Davy Jones, recently passed away. He was so good. What were your favorite Monkees song and TV show episode?

Peter Mickey Nesmith
Pleasant Valley, CA

Dear Pete–
Sorry to hear about that. My favorite Monkees song was the opening theme song because I watched it all the time. Favorite TV episode was any one that had the George Barris ’66 GTO Monkeemobile! I could get all kinds of goils if I had that thing.

That sucks about Davy Jones; I liked him on the show. I thought he was also great on STAR TREK as Chekov–did a good Russian accent. Hope he finally got his locker back, too.
Well, that’s it for this week, you ‘baters and haters! Tune in next week, same time, same Bru channel for more answers to your moronic–err, I mean excellent–q uestions. Send me some anytime!!

 

Later,
Bru

 

Bru-Hed Closeup

 

DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed broker or agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. No advice is given or implied unless it actually works. All information herein is meant for entertainment and movie industry suck-up purposes only. Any material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send DVDs of the first season of The Avengers cartoon show. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you’re not a Facebook friend. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way by you or Joe Quesada. Contents copyright 2012 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. How did Nick Fury’s five o’clock shadow end up on Thor’s face?

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