Beer Abby #4 September 21, 2011 – Posted in: Beer Abby, Blog, Featured Columns – Tags: , , , , , , ,

Greetings, losers, boozers, cruisers and hoosiers! Forget about Michael Vick, Michael Vick’s injury and the sucky Eagles. Forget about Tony Romo, his injury and the stupid Cowboys. Forget about dumb relaunches of classic titles and the messing with legends. Forget about cranium-crap Congress and jerky jobs reports. All that matters is ME! Um, and you, of course. Let’s get to your petty problems and some super solutions, shall we?

 

Beer Abby–

If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what’s 52?

Dan D.

Metropolis, NY

 

Dan–

A marketing ploy.

 

 

Dear Bru-Hed:

What do you think Michael Vick’s chances are to play for the Eagles this weekend?

Phil E.

Cheesesteak, PA

 

Phil fan–

Ugh. Figured this would come up. I guess we have to address it, don’t we? Sorry man, but Vick is injured. His fightin’ days are done. Like his dogs, he’ll have to be put down. Only fair, y’know.

 

Let’s move on.

 

 

 

Beer Abby,

Is there such a thing as a sure thing? I was talking to my buddies about football and one of them said it was a sure thing that the Lions would cover this week. I’m about to take out a 2nd mortgage to bet on them this weekend. Should I tell my wife before or after we win?

P. J.

Redford, MI

 

Hey, pajama man–

If they weren’t on the road and favored by 3.5, I’d say “hell yeah.” But as I’m sure ya know, the Lions are 3-17 against the Vikes and have lost 13 straight on the road since the last game of 1997. That’s a long friggin’ streak. But this season has been one big upset so far, and they looked dang good trouncing the sucky Chiefs. I see the monkey jumping off their back this week.

So I say, if the line drops to 3, DO IT! Tell your wife after you win and pick up your new Vette and co-ed girlfriend.

If they lose, you can just do what everyone else is doing in Detroit these days: Stop paying your mortgage and live for free. What is the bank going to do, foreclose and add another sucky house to their inventory of a gazillion? Eff ‘em.

 

 

 

Mr. Hed–

What’s the best way to store my comics? I can’t afford Mylars for everything. I have most in bags but they’re like ten years old.

Cost-conscious collector

Columbo, CO

 

Cheapass–

Okay, this is out of my realm of expertise as I don’t collect that comic crap (unless it’s MY awesome book, BRU-HED, AMERICA’S FAVORITE BLOCKHEAD™ four-issue mini-series, or any of my GUIDEs TO GETTIN’ GIRLS NOW or other one-shots, of course) so I had to ask Pascale. He’s an ancient collector who’s cheap too.

He said non-Mylar bags only last about 10-15 years before they start breaking down and damaging the paper in your comics. They’re only meant for short- or medium-term storage. If you want to save dough, put at least two comics in each bag. What’s the difference? If you seal the bag, make sure the air is out–trapping air in the bag ain’t good either. And keep them in a cool, very dry place.

Man, the crap you guys go thru to keep that garbage from turning to dust like it eventually will! That’s why I collect beer cans, like a real man. METAL doesn’t crumble! And you can drink the contents. Try eating an ACTION #1 and see how good it tastes!

 

 

Now, a bit of politics:

 

 

Bru-Hed:

Who do you care for in the current crop of candidates?

Alliterative in Albuquerque

 

 

Alby–

I have no idea what “alliterative” means but I like the way a lot of the words in your question start with the same letter. Cool.

As for the crappy candidates, are you kiddn’ me? The election is over a year away. Get a life. And tell the media I got better things to watch. (Like bikini contests and beer commercials!!)

 

And finally…

 

 

Bru-Hed:

Can we finally stop talking about Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick’s injuries and Dallas Cowboys’ quarterback Tony Romo’s injuries and whether or not Vick or Romo will play this Sunday? That’s all I seem to see on the Web.

S.E.O.

Googleville, CA

 

Web-buddy–

Yes, we can finally stop talking about Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick’s injuries and Dallas Cowboys’ quarterback Tony Romo’s injuries and whether or not Vick or Romo will play this Sunday. Promise.

 

That’s all for this week, kiddies. Hit me up at BeerAbby@schismcomics.com. and ask away!

 

Thanks,

—Bru

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed therapist, psychologist or pro gambler. Fact is, he ain’t real (just don’t tell him). All information herein is meant for entertainment and abusive purposes only. If you bet on his picks you’ll probably lose your ass. All material sent to the address above becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send free stuff. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and comedy. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any unless you give us massive credit and link back here. This is hard woik! Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. We don’t care if Michael Vick or Tony Romo plays Sunday either.
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