Hello to all my readers, meaters and geezers!
It’s your pal Bru, here to make your world a less frightenin’, more invitin’ place. Ask me anything about anything and I’ll answer, whether I know it or not. Geography or geology, linguistics or linguine, sex or socks, I know it all–or at least I sound like I do.
Let’s get this par-tay started! Here’s our first email…
Why is it so hard for me to say “thank you” when someone compliments me or does something nice? I love doing nice things for others. Why do they have to do nice things for me?
City of Angels, CA
See here, C.R.–
It’s that yin and yank thing. I mean yang. (“Yank” is one of my favorite activities.) If you do nice things for people (though I don’t know WHY as most don’t deserve it), they’re usually gonna resipro…recipo…uh, give back the same. Get used to it! Didn’t your Ma teach you to say “thanks” and “please” an’ all that? Heck, even I can do that. And I hate everyone!
Why are there no Marvel or DC Spanish superheroes?
Probably the same reason there aren’t any Portuguese ones.
Why were you staring at my cleavage?
Why were you showing it off in that low-cut top with the pushup bra?
I’m a collector of original comic art. A guy I know has a page I really want but he won’t sell it. He said he might trade it, but when I offered him what I had, he didn’t want any of it. He wants something another guy has. What am I supposed to do?
I asked my collecting buddies and they said you should do a three-way. No, not the fantasy we guys have with Megan Fox and Katie Perry, but a three-way trade. You trade one of your pieces to that other guy (or for whatever you both agree it’s worth) for the page that the first guy wanted to trade you. Then you can trade it for the page you want from that first guy. Get it? Of course, you may have to buy it instead if the second guy won’t trade. Or you may have to sweeten the deal with cash or additional pages. It’s all negotiable and you should all agree on a value and be happy with what you get. In the end, that’s what it’s all about!
Hello, Mr. Hed:
I’m a female and disgusted by you. But my fiancee loves your comics and your column so I’m asking you for advice. Once we get married, how do I keep my main from straying and fooling around with other girls?
Faithful in Fairbanks, AK
First, thanks for the kind woids. I think. Second, I’ll let you in on a secret. Men spend their lives in one of two states: loaded and unloaded. The more you can keep him unloaded, the less likely he is to ever want to seek some strange. Got it? Good luck.
Okay, kiddos, one last one:
You don’t drink and drive, do you?
Never. But when I don’t drive, I drink!
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed psychologist or Indian guru. He’s fictitious (but can’t spell it). All information herein is meant for entertainment and semi-biographical purposes only. All material sent to the address above becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send free comics. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and comedy. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any unless you give us credits, links, and Twits. This is time-consuming! Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. Is anyone reading this??