Beer Abby’s – Best of 2011 Lists December 29, 2011 – Posted in: Beer Abby, Blog, Featured Columns

Happy week after Christmas, kiddos and kiddies! It’s the week when nothing much gets done other than prepping for betting on bowl games and deciding what New Year’s parties to get drunk at and who to regret sleeping with the day after. In other words, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year!” And I’m here to make it even more wonderful for all you losers and boozers.

In that spirit of avoiding work, I’m doing something different for this week. Everyone likes lists, especially “Year End” ones, so I’m gonna give you mugs a few to give you something to talk about next week when you’re back at your miserable jobs and are desperately searching for some kind of superficial water cooler conversation other than the usually lame “How was your vacation” crap no one wants to hear about anyway. So here are Top Fives for a buncha stuff:

 

Hottest Babes of 2011:

5. Katy Perry (I know, the helmet is just average. So why is she on the list? I can think of two big reasons!)

4. Eva Mendes (Great mask with an onion booty…So nice it makes ya cry!)

3. Kim Kardashian (Obviously this is not based on IQ, personality, talent, or anything resembling integrity!)

2. Sofia Vegara (If not for the “What’d she say?” accent she’d be number 1.)

1. January Jones (Should be in XXX-Men!)

 

(Note: Beyoncé was on the list till she got all preggers. Despite the BS your hubbies tell you about the beauty of motherhood, ladies, there are NO hottie points awarded for the giant baby belly. Sorry.)

 

Best Athletes of 2011:

5. Julius Peppers

4. Aaron Rogers

3. Drew Brees

2. Calvin “Megatron” Johnson (Any guy with a Transformers name gets bumped up.)

1. Marshawn “Beast Mode” Lynch (I’m a Seahawks fan first and foremost! Get used to it.)

 

Best Comic-book Characters of 2011:

5. Archie (Not ’cause he’s cool, but because he got to finally bang Betty AND Veronica on his fake wedding nights!)

4. Green Lantern (Yeah, the movie wasn’t great, but he still got one and chicks dig the actor who played ‘im.)

3. Catwoman (DC rebooted her and made her an even sluttier nympho, if that’s possible!)

2. Thor (Movie kicked ass)

1. Captain America (Same as Thor, but Cap is an AMERICAN. U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!)

 

Best Video Games of 2011:

5. Three Stooges

4. Blades of Steel

3. Joust

2. Double Dribble

1. Techmo Bowl

(Sorry, gang, I only have an old NES system. Can’t afford them new-fangled ones!)

 

Funniest Comic Strips of 2011:

5. Bizarro (Dan Piraro)

4. Zits (Scott and Borgman)

3. Pickles (Brian Crane)

2. Get Fuzzy (Darby Conley)

1. Pearls Before Swine (Stephan Pastis)

 

(Tho it actually should’ve been numbered 10-7 and then 1, because nothin’ even comes close to Pearls for makin’ me chuckle like a drunken monkey after eatin’ pickled bananas!)

 

Best TV shows of 2011:

5. Mike and Molly (Funny fat folks, a hot old MILF and her curvy-but-stupid daughter, both loose as lace. What’s not to like?)

4. Walking Dead (Flesh-eating zombies, guns, he-men and a hot babe. ‘Nuff said.)

3. Last Man Standing (Tim Allen plays a huntin’, car-lovin’, beer drinkin’ hard-ass. Amen.)

2. Mythbusters (Stuff blows up and Kari Byron is so killer hot she can start a fire in my pants.)

1. Sunday Night Football (Used to be Monday but Al Michaels moved!)

 

Best Movies of 2011:

5. Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol (Haven’t even seen it yet but the previews are that good!)

4. Drive Angry

3. Fast Five (I’m a car guy, get it? Don’t forget the chicks.)

2. (tie) Green Hornet (cool car, comedy, plus kung fu Kato…and a babe!) and Transformers (Robots beating the nuts, bolts and oil out of each other…and a babe!)

1. Captain America (Red, White and Blue, guns, beating up Nazis, the Red Skull…and yes, a babe!)

 

Almost made it: X-Men First Class (Emma Frost heated me up–but no Wolverine) and Thor (he kicked butt…but didn’t not enough goddess-hot dames).

 

And finally, the best list of all:

 

Best things I did in 2011:

5. Ate a foot-long hot dog, a half-pound burger, and a medium pizza during the Super Bowl

4. Drank an entire case of Bud (during the Super Bowl)

3. Finally laminated my collection of Playboy centerfolds (Why? None o’ yer damn business.)

2. Drank an entire case of Miller (during the Super Bowl pre-game)

1. This blog, of course! I dig corresponding with alla youse and giving help when ya need it. Helps me fill that Bank Of Karma savings account. (Which I may need next year if/when the world ends.)

 

That’s it, friends and roamin’ countrymen! (And both you lovely ladies as well.) I had a blast this year and I hope you did too. I hear that 2012 is a leap year. Which means come December 21, we may all be leaping off a building to avoid the alien apocalypse or whatever time-stoppin’ scenario’s in store. No matter! Till then I’m staying positive, horny and hydrated. In fact, I’m gonna go grab a cold brew and double-check my “Hottest Babes” list while I test that lamination…

See you next year! When the ball drops, make sure you’re wearing clean undies. And remember, don’t drink and drive: Drive first, then drink!

 

Bestest,

Bru

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a certified New Year’s baby. All information herein is meant for entertainment and egomaniacal expression only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send chips and salsa. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and humor, and insert any of the latter if you have none. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any way, now or ever, even with a time machine or wormhole.  Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. If you’re the first one to mention you read this, you’ll get a free sketch of me and a semi-naked babe, postpaid. Seriously. Click the Contact link at the top of page, if you’re clever enough to find it! Happy Nude Year!

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