Bru’s Reviews: THE CONJURING CONJURES CALAMITOUS CREEPINESS August 19, 2013 – Posted in: Blog, Bru's Reviews, Featured Columns – Tags: ,

By Bru-Hed
All original written content is (c) 2013 Mike Pascale. Visual content is (c) its respective owners. Bru-Hed is a trademark of All Ages Media and Mike Pascale.

 

In keeping with this week’s flick, I say HELL-o, fright fans! I finally got to see THE CONJURING, the latest low-budget horror movie to make millions more than its monetary outlay. Bru's Reviews LogoIt’s about an infamous case of the real demon hunting couple, Ed and Lorraine Warren, the ones who dealt with the Amytiville Horror. Some have said it’s too much like POLTERGEIST, but those some are wrong. The only similarity is that a house is possessed rather than a person and there’s an exorcism. But POLTERGEIST wasn’t the first to have those things either. People don’t see scary movies for their original concepts, they see ’em to get the crap scared out of ’em.

So does THE CONJURING deliver the fright right?

 

First, I was the ONLY ONE in the theater for the whole movie. Definitely added to the creepiness–not to mention the comfort, as I could burp an’ toot to my heart’s (and farts’) content! I almost took my pants off like I do at home. Highly recommended.
Second, you know a horror film is the real deal when the END CREDITS creep you out! The weirdo visuals and effects, coupled with eerie haunted house music, was enough to make me look over my shoulder more than once. (And when the usher dude came in to clean the place before the credits ended, I almost had a Conjuring coronary.)

 

Yeah, it starts slow and there’s a lot of false jumps and starts, but once it gets going, it delivers. And other than a few spitting/puking blood scenes, there’s very little gore. Impressive accomplishment, ’cause I’ve seen a lot of horror flicks and don’t scare easily. There’s some ultra creepy props (including a toy clown and clownish doll, which I hate) and suspense mixed in.

THE CONJURING

I’m with Mike on this one. Clowns are just damn creepy.

OVERALL RATING:

See It

As a scare-flick, I’d rate it “Almost Pooped My Pants” (be grateful I don’t have a visual for that one). For the purposes of this blog, SEE IT.

The big screen adds to the intensity, and it’d be great as a midnight movie full of other people. Or rent it and see it with yer goilfriend or wife; but be warned! If you sit next to her, you’ll need to wear long sleeves–of armor! She’ll be clawing away for the whole third act.

Happy boo to you,
Bru

P.S.: Know what’s REALLY scary? The low prices Pascale charges for his original art commissions. Just ask Craig here!

 

DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes or Mike Pascale. Or pretty much any reasonable person, ghost or demon. Bru is indeed possessed–by beer, porn and junk food!
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