Yo ho ho, all you Hoes and Broes! It’s yer beer-bellied buddy Bru to enlighten you to all things sin-ematic. Today we briefly discuss FAST AND FURIOUS 6, the newest entry in the franchise for speedfreaks, gearheads, oilbrains and butt-lovers!
–Fast cars, fighting chicks, tanks on freeways, muscle cars in planes, the Rock and Vin Diesel throwing punches and kicks side-by-side, explosions, gun play, and a smattering of gratuitous butts-in-bikini shots! What’s NOT to love?
–The return of ass-kickin’ Letty, in a catfight that would turn any guy into a pussy. Err, pussycat. Heh. Seriously, you do NOT want to stick her with the check.
–Major Mopar (Classic Chrysler) muscle, including a new Challenger and the first-ever film featuring a souped-up early 70s super-spoiler Dodge Daytona (or Plymouth Superbird–they’re identical except for the decals, and this one doesn’t have any)! Trivia: All were originally made with vinyl tops, to hide the weld marks on the upper quarter panels. Thankfully, this one’s been fixed and looks much better. And there’s a nice Mustang that gets crushed.
–The button right after the credits begin: lucky(?) number 7 is ready–and with a surprise action hero guest star! (Hey, I said no spoilers.)
–Did I mention the cars, the fighting, the guns and the butts?
–Check your brain at the door; you won’t need it much, other than to remember the characters and their relationships from the past movies. You will not only have to suspend your disbelief, you will have to fire it and ban it from the office.
–Three words: Longest. Runway. Ever. (See above.)
–If you’re not a huge fan of Corona beer, good luck avoiding it.
THIS is the only Corona I could possibly enjoy. Unfortunately it’s the beer that’s prominently shilled throughout the movie.
–Three more words: Fastest. Tank. Ever. (Again, see above.)
–Find me the woman who can get hit by a speeding car and within a minute get up and do a major kung fu battle. I wanna hire her as an escort!
Are you kidding? SEE IT! – Like now. And bring a PUD beer, the only kind REAL men drink. (Although, if Corona wanted to pay me a bundle to keep one down, I suppose I could. Even better, set me up with Michelle Rodriguez!)
P.S.: Pascale was born and raised in the Motor City and can draw kick-ass cars as well as hot babes! Want one of each or both for yourself or a pal? Mention me and get 25 percent off in honor of my publishing anniversary! Just ask Craig here.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed by Bru-Hed are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes, Mike Pascale, or anyone else on the planet. Just don’t pick him up on the highway.