All written content, except for outside quotes, is (c) 2013 Mike Pascale. Visual content is (c) its respective owners. Bru-Hed is a trademark of All Ages Media and Mike Pascale.
Greetings, summer movie mavens! We’re right in the thick of it–blockbuster summer-time! No, I don’t mean the dead video-store chain, I mean all the great “tentpole” films that get my tentpole to salute any movie with hot babes! And of course, the action ones. The latest and greatest of the latter is PACIFIC RIM, a cool movie with a crappy title. (Sounds more like a surfing flick.) WTF? I ask director and co-writer Guillermo del Toro–why not just call it what it is, GIANT FRIGGIN’ ROBOTS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF GIANT FREAKIN’ MONSTERS? Well, technically it’s “Jaegers” (German for hunters) vs. “Kaiju” (Japanese for giant monsters). But we know what they really are!
Anyway, let’s get to my shortest review yet:
Do you really need a list? I just said it’s GIANT FRIGGIN’ ROBOTS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF GIANT FREAKIN’ MONSTERS! What the hell more could you want, man?
Okay, half-nekkid and all-nekkid hot babes licking beer off each other’s butts, maybe. But it ain’t that kinda flick. Trust me, if *I* didn’t notice, you won’t either!
(Note from Mike: Added treats were Ron “Hellboy” Perlman, a funny button after the ending main title, and a nice tribute line to classic movie monster makers Ray Harryhausen (see my too-short tribute) and Ishirō Honda (the original Godzilla and many others) at the very end of the credit roll, complete with subtle monster growl underneath! And for comics/art fans: fellow former Detroiter Guy Davis of SANDMAN and THE REALM fame and the famous WAYNE BARLOW each contributed concept art! See a bunch of amazing art here.)
Oh, buzz off, pencil boy. I’m talkin’ to REAL MEN who like Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots and Destroy All Monsters! Awoo-gahh!
• The alternated title of this could be, “The Nose Bleed Movie.” Three or more characters had ’em, one of which was throughout the film and shown in GIANT close-up. Not easy on the popcorn-munching. Or anything with strawberry syrup.
• Okay, there are a couple slow parts, the one main chick isn’t built like Sofia “who needs Viagra” Vergara, there’s no nudity and some of the fighting is hard to follow due to a lot of quick cuts and stuff. But it shouldn’t matter because as I said, it’s GIANT FRIGGIN’ ROBOTS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF GIANT FREAKIN’ MONSTERS! That’s all you need to know, okay?
The credits said something about “3-D conversion” but my theater didn’t show it that way. I bet it would be awesome, though. So would IMAX or D-Box. (This is probably the BEST-suited film for D-Box since it was invented.)
Are you kidding? This is GIANT FREAK–[Okay, Bru, we know already!] Uh, yeah. Sorry.
Anyway, SEE IT now, BUY IT when it’s out on video, and WORSHIP IT forever. The 12-year-old boy inside you will thank you.
Meantime, stay in the drift and out of the breach!
Monsterously and robotically yours,
P.S.: Pascale can crank out a cool sketch, drawing or painting of giant monsters AND giant robots…and superheroes and half-nekkid babes too! (He’s just too uptight to do fully nekkid ones. But you won’t mind, trust me.) Just ask Craig here!
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes or Mike Pascale. Or pretty much any reasonable person on the planet. Now go watch a good Godzilla movie and play with some robots!