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Waves and well-wishes, you wacky women and warriors! It’s a terrific two-fer here at Bru’s Reviews. One new, one about-time. (And for the first time in awhile, the audiences at both theaters actually BEHAVED for the whole flick! I didn’t have to chuck Jujibees at anyone.)
First up, Hugh Jackman (not to be confused with Hugh Jass) turns Japanese in THE WOLVERINE. He’s neck-deep in Japs from the beginning in–[Note from Mike: Hey, Bru! That’s a racist term. What are you thinking?] The flick starts in WW II, dumb ass! It’s what we called ’em back then. [That was 70 years ago, dude…let it go.] Okay, okay…”Asian.” Whatever. Let’s get to the bullets before I pop one into your seat:
- Whatever martial arts fighting style or warriors you’re into–karate, judo, samurais or ninjas–this has it all! More kicks, punches, slashes and even arrow-shooting than I’ve seen in a while.
- A new blonde baddie with a killer bod in a skin-tight suit. Who knew Vipers had nice hineys?
- Speaking of butts, the red-headed Nip–err, Japanese chick in this kicks a ton of ’em! She’s as good with a sword as Thor is with a hammer.
- Jackman still has the muscles, anger and attitude needed for the character. He’s definitely more complex here, fleshed out while still showing off his flesh for the ladies.
- Fastest-moving top-of-a-train fight ever filmed. We’re talkin’ 130-mph bullet train stuff. Makes those in SKYFALL and LONE RANGER look like slow motion.
- Famke Jensen (Jean Gray) is still hot. And all her shots are in a nightie–leave it to cleavage!
- For your comic book geeks, the Silver Samurai and Trask Industries show up. And stay after the main credits (not the final ones) to get not one but two MAJOR spoilers. Frankly, one of the best parts of the whole film.
- I didn’t care but Pascale wanted me to point out the storyboard and concept artists were placed near the top with the art director, where they belong. Like anyone cares.
- Wolvie is continuously tortured, physically, psychologically and emotionally. Poor Hugh has probably never had to scream so much in any other movie. Gets a bit annoying–and worse, loses its effect after awhile.
- If you dig death scenes, this is fer you. Wolverine dies about four times and at least two other characters die twice. Gotta be a record.
- It’s kinda long. As seems the case with a lot of films this summer, more doesn’t necessarily mean better. Someone has to tell the studios we don’t need more than two hours to get our money’s worth.
- As we saw in PROMETHEUS, performing surgery on yourself is never a good idea. And always leaves a mess.
- The plot kinda derails at the end, twisting like a roller coaster for what seems like no other reason than to give you a jolt.
- None of the Asian chicks in this movie are hotties. And their bods ain’t the least bit bodacious. Definitely nothing even remotely close to Minka (if ya don’t know who she is, don’t look her up at work!); they all have figures like a popsicle stick with two BBs glued to it. If the goils an’ gays get a shirtless Jackman, us straight guys should get some shirtless jugglers–an’ I don’t mean clowns!
- The best thing about Wolverine in the X-Men flicks (and even X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE) is when he banters with others. This has virtually none of that fast, funny and snappy dialog. A lot of it is expository, flat or pretentious.
The land of the rising sun should give us more rising fun. As much as it pains me to say this, THE WOLVERINE is waning. Jackman’s character is a badass of badasses and deserves better. But I’m starting to think he’s like the HULK and works better in a team pic. This one, I’m afraid, is just a CATCH IT. Save your theater dough for the next one.
Next, I finally got my butt out to see WORLD WAR Z. I figured out the “Z” stands for Zombies and is not a Roman numeral. (So there will never be a Super Bowl Z.) I’ll skip the bullet points this time…
Genuine scares, thrills and creeps. Intense as hell, but without being really gory (not easy to do). If yer lookin’ for a gorefest, rent a Romero classic. These zombies are the fastest and scariest since the Zack Snider 2004 remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD. Brad Pitt ain’t all “pretty-boyed” here either; looks his age and like a guy in his predicament would look. Soldiers are tough, especially the Israelis (women included). There’s even a couple unexpected nuggets for fans of DOCTOR WHO and TORCHWOOD.
Plotting is perfectly done, makes a ton of sense and has nice reveals. None of the characters do the obligatory “act completely stupid and unlike any normal person would because the writer needs you to” shtick. Cinematography, editing and direction are friggin’ dead on (pun intended). Dark as hell, of course, but ends on a hopeful note. Still could be a sequel, though.
SEE IT now if you can. Only a few shows at one downtown theater by me, so good luck on your end. Otherwise, worth renting as soon as you can. But don’t watch it alone before bed!
Thanks for tuning in this week. Summer blockbuster season is still strong. RED 2, ELYSIUM, PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS and more are on my list! What’s on yours?
All the beast,
P.S.: Want a zombie or Wolvie for yer wall? Pascale can crank out a cool sketch, drawing or painting for a pretty fair price. Just ask Craig here!
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes or Mike Pascale. Or pretty much any reasonable person (living, dead or undead) on the globe. The only race he truly doesn’t like is the human race!