All original written content is (c) 2016 Mike Pascale. Visual content is (c) its respective owners. Bru-Hed art is ©2012 and a trademark of All Ages Media and Mike Pascale.
NEWBIES: If this is your first trip here (welcome!), here’s the QT on what these reviews are.
THIS WEEK: Welcome to 2017’s first review (I know, I’ve been slackin.’) Here’s the 5th (I think) installment of the Vampires vs. Lycans (werewolves) series featuring Kate “hot in black rubber” Beckensale as the death dealer Selene who’s hunted by both groups. Her new beau David (Theo “DIVERGENT” James) helps defend her as Big Bad Lycan Marius (Tobias “CASINO ROYALE” Menzies) needs her new daughter’s blood to conquer the vamps. Meanwhile, the bloodsucker council has other plans for her, and as usual, things go south from there!
Written by Cory Goodman (from a story by Kyle Ward and Cory Goodman). Directed by Anna (OUTLANDER) Foerster.
- First, the obvious: fights, fights, fights! Battles and blood galore, involving guns, swords, fists, feet, throwing discs, wires, machine guns, pistols, you name it. UV bullets, silver bullets, and even some old-fashioned gun-powder bullets. And some cool stunt/fight choreography. That’s really the main reason you watch these, right (other than for you-know-who)?
- There was a story. I could follow along and understand what was going on and where people were going, and why (but see “cons” below). Motivations were basic but at least easy to understand. A whole bunch of double-crosses and even a triple-cross!
- The sets and creature effects were what we’ve come to expect, which is cool; it ain’t STAR WARS but it works. I especially liked the costume and set design in the Nordic coven as well as the eastern vampire HQ.
- Captain Obvious: Beckinsale still looks great in a skin-tight leather suit! No chest pics but a couple yummy butt shots for you horn dogs (like me).
- More hotties: Vampire council chick Semira (Lara “SHERLOCK” Pulver) reminded me a lot of the smokin’ Eva Green. Sexy and evil and some nice cleavage as well as a (too-quick) steamy love scene with her stuck-up lover-boy Varga. And Nordic vamp-babe Lena (Clementine Nicholson—how do you not like a lady named after a miniature tangerine?) was both sweet and strong. (Keep in mind this was directed by a woman!)
- One of the lycans “Hulks-out” like never before. And his downfall was pretty gruesome. (Even more so than Viktor’s in UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS.) Great take down of another baddie by Theo.
- Speaking of Theo, interesting major revelation about his past.
- Plenty of room left for another sequel for the fans.
- Like other viewers, I haven’t seen the last installment in four years, and the others even farther apart, so I really didn’t remember who was who or why was why. There was a typical bunch of exposition at the beginning to set things up, but they could only do so much without it sounding like a Wikipedia entry. If you’re a casual fan like me, and have four to six hours to kill, you might want to re-watch the last two or three to refresh the memory banks.
- Too many similar-sounding character names: Selene and Semira, Marius and Cassius, Varga and Vidar. I guess you can’t have Larry the werewolf or Suzy the vampire, but there are still more letters to the alphabet.
- Suspension Of Disbelief Department: The sun does not rise in 60 seconds. The sky doesn’t go from dark and cloudy to sunny and then back to cloudy in a couple minutes (other than in Detroit).
- The werewolf effects could have been better; just not up to state-of-the-art compared to other big-budget flicks. But they move so fast, it’s not that noticeable (the still shots look more fake than in the film).
- A couple scenes didn’t make sense to me regarding the whole “blood memory” thing. (Vampires can glean others’ memories when tasting their blood. Selene bites herself and has a memory rush; Huh? She just forgot all that important stuff?) I also forgot how/why Selene and Theo can walk in the sun.
- No buttons at the end, during or after the credits. (The Marvel curse.)
This is right on par with the others, and frankly, I really can’t recall which is which at this point. If you like to see vampires and werewolves beat the crap out of each other, and a hot babe in rubber doing kung fu and gunfights, you get your dough’s worth. Diehard fans should see it on the big screen for maximum impact (I didn’t do the 3D so no comment); the rest of us can wait for on demand/Bluray and pause-rewind at the good parts!
P.S.: Why not start the new year off right with some original ART? Pascale can draw any character you like or even you or someone you like as a character. Just ask Craig here!
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes, Mike Pascale, the Empire, the Resistance, skinny British chicks, droids, villains, Darth Vader, Darth Maul, Darth Sidious, Darth Ridiculous or any other character in the universe. The Force is weak with Bru-Hed, except when he forces himself to write this crap.