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Beer Abby #10

Hey, all you wieners and boozers! Hope your Halloween was a helluva good one, full of candy, chocolate, cool costumes and cold beer. Now it’s time to focus back on your lousy life and how I can make it better! Let’s get to your emails and my awesome advice:

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Beer Abby #9

Hello to all you red-blooded, white-knuckled and blue-balled men out there! (And all three of you gorgeous women.) It’s your favorite beer-bellied Bandaras here again to make sense of your life and steer you like a damaged Yugo to the garage of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wackiness. And beer. Lots of beer. Now let’s get to it:

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Beer Abby #8

Hello to all my readers, meaters and geezers! It’s your pal Bru, here to make your world a less frightenin’, more invitin’ place. Ask me anything about anything and I’ll answer, whether I know it or not. Geography or geology, linguistics or linguine, sex or socks, I know it all–or at least I sound like I do. Let’s get this par-tay started! Here’s our first email…

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Beer Abby #7

Hey hey, my Bru-thers and Bru-sters! How’s your Thursday going so far? (Like I care.) Main thing is, I’m here to bring you advice for life that you can’t and won’t get anywhere else. Mariano Rivera may have broken the record for saves in baseball, but I aim to be the Mariano Rivera of comics and perform more saves of lousy lives than Billy Graham the Cracker or any other preacher! So without further a (Mountain) Dew–

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Beer Abby #6

Hey and hay, comic cattle! How goes it? Hope you had a great week. Actually, I hope you had a lousy week so more of you can ask me how to make it a great one. ‘Cause that’s what ‘m here for.

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Beer Abby #5

Hey hey, my Bru-thers and Bru-sters! How’s your Thursday going so far? (Like I care.) Main thing is, I’m here to bring you advice for life that you can’t and won’t get anywhere else. Mariano Rivera may have broken the record for saves in baseball, but I aim to be the Mariano Rivera of comics and perform more saves of lousy lives than Billy Graham the Cracker or any other preacher! Now let’s get to the goodies:

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Beer Abby #4

Greetings, losers, boozers, cruisers and hoosiers! Forget about Michael Vick, Michael Vick’s injury and the sucky Eagles. Forget about Tony Romo, his injury and the stupid Cowboys. Forget about dumb relaunches of classic titles and the messing with legends. Forget about cranium-crap Congress and jerky jobs reports. All that matters is ME! Um, and you, of course. Let’s get to your petty problems and some super solutions, shall we?

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Beer Abby #3

Happy Thursday, geeks and freaks! Thanks for the all the recent emails. I am touched by your kindness. (Though I’d rather be touched by your cash! Send me some dough and buy some damn comics.) Keep in mind you can ask to have your name withheld or abbreviated. So don’t worry about anyone finding out you need my worldly advice; we’ll keep it between us, ‘kay? Let’s get right to the letters:

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Beer Abby

Welcome to our newest featured column!  We’ll be publishing “Beer Abby” every Thursday! Advice for life from Bru-Hed™, America’s Favorite Blockhead!™ Hey there, all you fans, geeks, jerks and babes! This is Bru-Hed, the REAL man around this virtual town, here to bring you the best advice for your miserable lives. The gang at Wednesday’s Heroes have asked me to contribute my wisdom to you wise-acres. I figure if Abby and her old “crow-nies” can…

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