Well, happy triptophan turducken day, my little men and women of blog-land! It’s yer pal Bru here wishing you a healthy meal, a happy family, and a hearty heap of hilarity for my fellow Americans and American Injuns. Everyone else, happy friggin’ Thursday!
Let’s see if we can make it even happier with answers to your questions:
Did you see PUSS IN BOOTS?
No, but I did see an ass in socks once. I think it was my landlord.
What’s the best way to cook an 18-pound turkey with stuffing?
Go to a restaurant and have a 180-pound chef to do it for you! (If you think I’m stickin’ my hand up some dead bird’s butt, you’re more nuts than peanut brittle.)
Why do you always wear boxers in your comics?
Because my two big boys need room to swing! (An’ I don’t just wear them in my comics; I’m wearing ‘em right now!)
Don’t you think the “Occupy Wall Street” crowd is nothing but spoiled brats?
I’ll be frank, Frank:
No, but rich, former creative innovators who hack out their art, ruin others’ classic properties, lump thousands of individuals into one prejudiced insult and rant like a crazy old crank are!
I see a ton of ads for BMW, but not one has said what the letters stand for.
Confused car shopper
BMW stands for “Bob Marley and the Whalers”, the band whose music the designers always listen to. Either that, or “Bring Me Women,” which is what most of the a-holes driving those ugly piles are thinking.
Screw, Marry, Kill: Ellen DeGeneres, K.D. Lang and Rosie O’Donnell.
Drunk in Dayton
Metallica’s first album title said it best: “Kill ‘em all!” Now go sober up and email me a real question.
Okay, one more:
So what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
In no particular order, I’d say beer, hot chicks, football, beer, ESPN, beer, snacks, pizza, turkey, beer, online porn, beer and beer commercials. Did I mention beer?
And speaking of thankful, I’m thanking you by letting you order my 128-page tome of terrific titter-filled tales, THE COLLECTED BRU-HED, for a holiday discount! Cover price is a (perfectly reasonable) $13.95, it’s currently on sale for $8.99, but mention you saw it on this column and get an extra special deal – just $5.00! That’s more than 60% OFF! US postage is just two bucks. Find out more and place your order here TODAY.
THANKS again, jive turkey-lovers!
DISCLAIMER: Bru-Hed is not a licensed pediatrician. All information herein is meant for entertainment and grumpy/happy insult purposes only. All material sent to us becomes the property of Schism Comics and All Ages Media, and will be considered for publication. No guarantees unless you send free skin mags. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space and comedy. Bru-Hed created by Mike Pascale. Artwork by M.P. and/or Dean Armstrong. Nothing may be reproduced in any unless you give us credit, a link and a wave. Tell me you read this and validate my existence! Contents copyright 2011 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. “Bru-Hed”, “America’s Favorite Blockhead” and all likenesses thereof are trademarks of Schism Comics/All Ages Media. Black Friday is for white people too.