Welcome to BRU’S REVIEWS! No-spoilers–or snoozers–for IRON MAN 3 May 6, 2013 – Posted in: Blog, Bru's Reviews, Featured Columns
All written content ©2013 Mike Pascale. Bru-Hed is ™ and ©2013 All Ages Media/Mike Pascale. Other visual content ©2013 its respective owner(s).
Hey, you mugs and muggles! It’s me, yer ol’ pal Bru-Hed, back for more! I took a break from blogging to let you all bask in my awesomeness and absorb my greatness (much like the seat of my recliner absorbs all my wondrous odors and stains) while I rested and recharged.
Since that Pascale pud was overloading his boring blog with movie reviews, I decided to give him (and YOU) a much-needed break and do his movie reviews for him…just in time for the super summer cinema season! This way he can focus more on his artsy-fartsy stuff in “A Picture’s Worth” and get some of your commissions completed before he gets too old and you wise up and ask for yer dough back. To make the transition tidy, I’ll be using the same format and ratings system he did (See It and/or Own It, Rent It, Catch It, and Skip It)–but with MY “Bru-i-tude”, baby.
PROS:Here we go wit’ the pros and cons:
–The dialog was probably the best of the three IMs. The script by director Shane Black and villain Guy Pearce was tailor-made for Robert Downey Jr.’s quick-and-quippy style. Black worked with Downey Jr. on KISS KISS BANG BANG! so he had the speech patterns and attitude down cold. If you like the back-and-forth wise-guy banter that the character and actor are famous for, you’ll dig this, dig?
–Along those lines, there were some really friggn’ funny spots. I saw it in a full theater and a few parts made the place roar.
–Special effects were top-notch again. Having the CG armor do mundane stuff like walking down stairs still looked clunky (and kinda fake, like some actresses’ boob implants), but everything else was awesome. Some really cool stuff right from the beginning with brain-type imaging, anatomical energy stuff, and the new way Stark’s armor instantly attaches is bad-ass. Way better than the old comics way of having to manually pull it all on. Can you imagine how impossible that would be to do in a crisis or attack situation? Now it can be done mid-air which makes for cooler visuals. And what happens to Stark’s Malibu dream house looked incredible.
–The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) has good taste in hot chicks.
–Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow, recently voted by obviously legally-blind readers of PEOPLE mag “Most Beautiful Woman In The World”) kicks some ass herself! Tough broads are way better to watch than whiny ones.
–Nothing to do with the film itself, but the preview for the next THOR looked pretty good.
–Tony befriends a little kid who’s pretty funny, not whiny, not cute, but realistic. More movie brats should be like this.
–Stan “The Man” Lee does another funny cameo, but sneeze and you’ll miss it. (Hint: watch for the Miss Chattanooga contest in the 2nd half.)
–You comic nerds out there will yell “hooray” or just giggle with the geeky glee of insiders when you see Advanced Idea Mechanics show up early. But no yellow outfits, sorry. If you’ve read Warren Ellis’s storyline “Extremis”, you’ll probably know a lot more than I did.
–Original IRON MAN director Jon Favreau does another good job as the Happy Hogan character; although I can’t tell if he put on weight for the role or the role put weight on him.
–Don Cheadle as War Machine/Iron Patriot is good again, if underused. He should have his own TV show.
–A dozen Iron Men? I see a new drinking game…every time you see a new armor, chug a brew!
–Some definitely unexpected plot turns and character elements.
–Pascale tells me it’s good to see the credits, “Based on the Marvel comic book [yes, they actually use ‘comic book’] by Stan Lee, Don Heck, Larry Lieber and Jack Kirby.” I have no idea who those guys are other than Stan. I heard of that Kirby guy but I keep forgetting if he’s famous for creating half the Marvel Universe or vacuum cleaners. They also give “Special Thanks” to a bunch of past IM writers and artists but it went by too fast for me to care.
–Make sure you stay after the credits for the button and a special appearance from a famous associate. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Less you think it was all good, here are the CONS:
–The Mandarin is ruined for fanboys and girls. Forever!
–So many IM suits I lost track of who was in what–or if they were empty!
–A couple pretty violent gun scenes for little kids. However, the kids in the theater where I saw it giggled a lot during the funny parts so overall it was probably okay. Besides, most parents these days are lousy and would rather take their kid to a bloodfest than find and pay for a sitter, and since their offspring will grow up to be future Oakland Raiders fans (i.e., criminals), it doesn’t matter.
–The clever plot turns are hurt by some glossing-over and some head-scratcher moments that seem contrived to help the writers. (That’s all I can tell ya without spoilers.) Some of the comedic stuff came off a bit forced; the GREATEST AMERICAN HERO moments were a tad overdone and repetitive.
–I think they tried too hard to have “no way” moments and didn’t respect the character (again, from what Mike tells me…he’s the comic goof). The ending especially disappointed from a character standpoint. I guarantee ya the fan blogs and chat groups will go nuts.
–Didn’t see it in 3D so I can’t comment about how well it was done. But frankly, I don’t think it woulda added much.
I think I actually liked the second one better for now; I’ll have to watch it again for sure. If you’re a fanboy/girl and gotta know what happens before the spoilers come out (and they will), then obviously you’ll have to SEE IT. Otherwise, I say wait for Netflix/Red Box/OnDemand and RENT IT…preferably for cheap or free.
Well, that’s it for my first Bru Review, kids and clowns. What did YOU think? (Of the movie or my new column?) Sound off below. I don’t bite…unless you’re a hot babe!
P.S.: If you’d like an original art commission of ME (or any other character, including Iron Man or pinup queens), just ask Craig here! You know, 2013 is the official 20th ANNIVERSARY of my first appearance in comics! If you mention that, you’ll get 20 percent OFF any commission by my writer/artist dude Mike Pascale! No anniversary gift necessary.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed by Bru-Hed are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes, Mike Pascale, or anyone else on the planet. Or at least we hope not!