Among a half-myriad other things (I’m trying not to hyperbolize unless it’s necessary), I’m a fan of lists. And judging by the massive success of David Letterman’s “Top Ten” lists and all the imitations/off-shoots/spin-offs for the last 20 or 30 years, many others are as well.
Therefore, I’ve made up two for this week’s blog. As someone who frequently and arbitrarily traverses between titles of writer and artist (meaning I’m either multi-skilled or–more likely–lacking in focus and commitment), I thought I’d tackle the obvious debate that’s so prevalent in both pop culture and academia: that of Writer vs. Artist.
Consider this round two (I tackled “Writing vs. Art” way back in my second “A Picture’s Worth” blog) of an ongoing bout between my right and left brain…with no clear winner other than you. So please, comment and let me know what you think, add to one or both lists, or just throw a couple artist or writer jokes out there for fun.
Ten Reasons Why Writers Are Better Than Artists:
1. Artists don’t appear on Letterman, Leno, O’Brien, Kimmel, Fallon, Carson, The Daily Show, Colbert or CNBC.
2. Generally and mostly, writers make more dough.
3. Many famous writers were drunken debauchers or eccentric geniuses; many famous artists were starving flakes, effeminate weirdos or disturbed self-mutilators.
4. A novel converted to digital format retains all its original impact vs. a 12-foot painting or sculpture viewed on an iPad.
5. Only writers know 100 ways to say “F*** You.”
6. Writers don’t have to use chemicals that cause cancer or thyroid, brain and nervous system damage.
7. Two words: J.K. Rowling empire. (Wait, that’s more than two—damn, the artist in me sucks at math.)
8. Writers would never embarrass themselves with a reality show on Bravo.
9. Writers become editors and creative directors—those who hire artists.
10. Writers have a plethora of ways insulting you without your even realizing it.
(Example: Most artists don’t know what “plethora” means.)
And now the other side:
Ten Reasons Why Artists Are Better Than Writers:
1. Artists generally wear cooler, more stylish and definitely more colorful clothes (or none at all).
2. No woman has ever posed nude for a writer. (Similarly, writers have no “etchings” to be shown to the opposite sex.)
3. Few people frame original manuscripts on their walls…unless they’re writers.
4. Artists are generally seen as romantics; writers are generally seen in bars.
5. Writers can’t get “marker high.”
6. No one would watch a show about writers on Bravo.
7. Lines for artist signings at comic conventions are almost always longer than writers’.
8. Writers can’t decorate cakes, make a van look badass, or tattoo a nice booty.
9. No one ever paid 10 million bucks for one page of a script.
10. Two words: “Kirby krackle.”
We could go on and on. There’s lots for each list.
The great equalizer?
No word is worth a thousand pictures–yet a single word can inspire a million works of art. So there.
Now play nice, you two.
P.S.: I’m available for commissions of both art and writing. Need some romantic copy for your wedding brochure? Clever copy for your web site? A drippy poem to woo a lover? Or a pop culture portrait of same? (As well as a nice pinup of your favorite character?) I’m your guy. Ask Craig here. Thanks!