Written by Bru-Hed
All original written content is (c) 2015 Mike Pascale. Visual content is (c) its respective owners. Bru-Hed is a trademark of All Ages Media and Mike Pascale.
NEWBIES: If this is your first trip here (welcome!), here’s the QT on what these reviews are.
THIS WEEK: The unlucky-to-lucky 7th entry in the “Furious” franchise, featuring Paul Walker’s swan song to his onscreen family of 15 years.
Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez and crew help Kurt Russell go after Djimon Hounsou (Guardians of the Galaxy, Gladiator) so they can stop Jason Statham (playing Luke Evans’s brother from the previous film) from going after them.
Written by Chris Morgan (characters by Gary Scott Thompson). Directed by James Wan.
- What did you expect–Shakespeare in a station wagon? Just when you didn’t think it could get any more over-the-top, they raise the bar from the last film and jump it with a Hemi Charger. Still more screaming musclecars, squealing exotic cars, hammering hunks, battling babes, grating guns, silly stunts, extreme explosives, and the usual gratuitous butts-and-boobs-in-bikini shots.
- Vin Diesel vs. Jason Statham and Jason Statham vs. Dwayne Johnson. Better than any HBO boxing match. Statham, tho one-dimensional and of few words, is close to his baddest badass yet. (If you haven’t seen the end-credits setup from F & F 6, see it first. Same with the end of F & F: TOKYO DRIFT.)
- Letty’s back full-force, in a catfight with a trio of female security force fighters PLUS the honest-to-goddess Amazon Ronda Rousey (undefeated MMA champion) who makes Wonder Woman look like a waif.
- More major Mopar (Classic Chrysler) muscle (including a super-charged tunnel-ram 70 Charger and a new Challenger), plus a ’67 Camaro, a ’69 Ford Torino, a new blue Subaru bullet and several high-end foreign speedsters (including a W Motors Lykan Hypersport, of which there are supposedly only seven in the world. Err, make that six!)
- You will believe cars can fly. Or at least suspend your disbelief. (Notice the nice bit of foreshadowing with Paul’s kid in the beginning. Yes, there’s actually something subtle in this flick.) The road stunts are even more outrageously awesome.
- The Rock does The Hulk with his medical wrap. (Look for a green Lou Ferrigno on a TV!); Kurt Russell still has the cool-guy look, even if his skin lost to Father Time.
- Great location stuff in Dubai. I wouldn’t move there, but as a single horny dude, it’s like Vegas on ‘roids.
- A few laughs-out-loud, mostly courtesy of Tyrese Gibson and Ludacris. (And of course, the stunts.)
- For you “diversity” lovers, the team loses a white guy and gains a black gal. (But as you know from the last one, they now they need a replacement Asian.)
- A very touching tribute and farewell to Walker’s character (and by proxy, him) at the end. Despite the tanker-trucks of testosterone in this film, there’s room left for tears. Hardly a dry eye in the joint.
- Speaking of Walker, the made-up shots of him needed to finish were overall done well and not easy to spot (I counted four spots but there were more). Considering they had to use doubles, his two brothers, and some CGI heads-to-other-bodies, it’s pretty seamless unless you’re looking for it.
- Did I mention the cars, the fighting, the guns and the butts?
- As before, check your brain at the door; you won’t need it for much other than to remember the characters and their relationships from the past movies. And keep track of the plot moves (who’s getting what to get who, and what goes wrong with each step). You will probably never see so many people acting like superheroes in a non-superhero film. All they needed were capes. Think the strength and invulva…invulma…what’s that word? [MIKE: “invulnerability.”] Yeah, that’s it–invulnerability of Superman and healing power of Wolverine.
- Vin Diesel holds up a 3,000-pound car. For several minutes. (See above.)
- Head-on collision between a ’70 Charger and a new Nissan, the Charger has an airbag that deploys and the Nissan’s does not. (See above.)
- When you’re going 80-mph and someone is shooting at you, you can always hit the brakes and avoid the bullets. (See above.)
- If you know you’re being tracked with facial-recognition software, you can…oh, I dunno…HIDE YOUR FACE? Like put on a ski-mask and wear dark glasses or something? Just a suggestion. (See above–last time.)
- More product placement: Corona beer front and center again.
- The Hulk TV show was NOT stupid, okay?
Like I have to tell you? BUY IT! You’ll want to watch this again at home and slo-mo a ton of the stunts and crosses (not to mention the T & A–I’m hoping they’ll put those on a loop). Imagine CALL OF DUTY, the Disneyland Runaway Mine Ride, every rap video and part of a Hallmark Channel movie all thrown in a blender and mixed with a gallon of high octane. All this movie needed was some robots, spaceships and nudity and it would be the best film ever!
At least till the next installment.
P.S.: Pascale is from the Motor City and can draw you some kick-ass cars, muscle-men and badass babes. Want one of each or both for yourself or a pal? Mention me and get 20 percent off! Just ask Craig here.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed by Bru-Hed are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes, Mike Pascale, or any actors and actresses. All stunts shown herein were performed by a professional idiot on a closed blog and should not be attempted by anyone anywhere. Unless you’ve had a lot of beer. (Bru asks that all photos of hot babes in butt-floss be emailed to email@example.com. Thank you.)