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NEWBIES: If this is your first trip here (welcome!), here’s the QT on what these reviews are.
THIS WEEK: The film adaptation of the novel mash-up/parody of the Jane Austen classic. Namely, four warrior sisters fight the undead while dealing with social discrimination, gender politics and finding a husband in a not-so-merry olde England overrun with zombie hordes.
- Nice opening sequence. Gets right into the zombie plague and gives you the gore.
- Some great zombie-fighting shots, especially when all the chicks are together for the dramatic slo-mo. There’s also some nice training fights while they argue which is both cool and funny. It was refreshing and entertaining to see young pretty girls not doing the stereotypical screaming hysterics at the undead and instead just going into silent swordsman-kung fu battle mode.
- Costumes and sets and scenery look well done. Really convinced me of the period (though I don’t know anything about it other than all the other movies I’ve seen set in this time). Book was published in 1813 so I couldn’t tell ya if the setting was the late 1700s or early 1800s.
- The sisters are cute and/or hot, especially the main one, Elizabeth (Lily “CINDERELLA” James) and the young ginger, Lydia. Unexpected treat/great job by Matt “Doctor Who” Smith as a bumbling, desperate-to-marry, kinda pervy parson.
- Speaking of hot, there’s a scene of the girls getting dressed and then arming themselves with a couple “under the bloomers” shots that I wanna put on a loop. And other that defines the term, “heaving bosom,” which popped all the unpopped kernels in my popcorn bucket. (And made me dent the bottom of it.) Heave, HO!
- I think there’s actually a positive message about not judging people by their social status and choosing your mate rather than letting society choose for you. But I was too busy looking for boobies, battles and blood.
- There’s some decent humor and funny spots, even though everyone speaks all flowery. (FROM MIKE: I actually enjoyed some of the eloquent dialog which I suspect was true to Austen’s original. Nice writing.)
- There’s a “courters’ quarrel” between the two leads that’s unlike anything seen before (except MR. AND MRS. SMITH, which was different ‘cause they were married). Hilarious and fun.
- Chicks will dig the romance part of the plot. Love triangle, who-loves-whom, found-lost-found love, hate you-love you, all that kinda crap.
- Interesting ending. Sequel?
- The pre-title opening of the film almost promises a different film. You might think you’re in for a campy, Ash-style gore-fest (eww—zombie snot-bubble!) but it was a classy, highbrow-humor romance-adventure flick with some zombies and blood thrown in for fun. (Nothing really as gory as the opening.)Those expecting the former will be disappointed.
- No nudity or sex scenes, not even a topless glimpse. And a bunch of characters say that Liz is the least attractive of the sisters, but it’s obvious to anyone with eyes and a bulge that she’s the hottest—way cuter than bug-eyed Jane who is supposed to be the most beautiful. Stupid Limeys.
- Because they got right into the action, they had to throw in a bunch of explanation (MIKE: he means “exposition”) of the setup at the beginning including the geographic details, so you’d better pay attention. And I didn’t mean “exposition” because that is what “expo” is short for, like a big fair or something. (MIKE: No, it’s a different type of exposition, you blockhead.) You just shut the hell up and get yer own blog, baldy! (MIKE: *sigh*)
- Wish there were more shots/scenes of the sisters kicking zombie butt as a group. You get that dramatic slo-mo shot mentioned earlier and that’s it.
- A horse throws a rider when hears one zombie in the bushes, but doesn’t stop galloping when explosions are going off all around it? That’s one messed-up pony!
- I wish I’d read some kinda Cliff Notes summary of the original Austen book so I would have gotten more of the parody/similarities and plot stuff. One of the few times not being a bookworm didn’t pay off.
Like I said, it depends on what kinda movie you’re expecting and want, and how familiar you are with the source material. As a complete unfamiliar outsider I was still entertained, and the cute babes didn’t hurt. Definitely worth a rental, especially if it’s free on demand or Netfilx. Just watch out the next time you make a pass at a Brit chick in a big dress—ya never know what’s under those bloomers!
P.S. Zombies and hot babes ORIGINAL ART by Pascale! Your ideas, his work. Put some undead-fightin’ femme fatales on yer wall. Just tell Craig here!