Bru’s Reviews: TRANSCENDENCE SINKS UNDER ITS OWN WEIGHT April 23, 2014 – Posted in: Blog, Bru's Reviews, Featured Columns
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THIS WEEK: Transcendence. Johnny Depp gets uploaded into the cloud by his goilfriend Rebecca Hall and their pal Paul Bettany and tries to take over the world in a 100 million-buck sci-fi epic.
The flick was written by Jack Paglen and directed by Wally Pfister (who may or may not have worked with Michelle Pfeiffer or directed commercials for Pfizer or likes to eat pfeffernüsse). [actually this is the directorial debut of the long-time cinematographer for Christopher “Dark Knight” Nolan]
- Fascinating concept and ideas if you either paid attention in science class or watch THE BIG BANG THEORY regularly. If you were too busy drinkin’ beer and chasin’ chicks like me, however, not so much.
- The story has some interesting points that make you really think. If you like thinking. (Made my head hurt. Beer’s better.)
- Very cool high-tech effects and sets; few “oh wow” parts and a couple explosions..
- If you like Morgan Freeman being Morgan Freeman, there’s some of that.
- I have no clue what nanobots are, but I sure wish I had some.
- Couple genuine creepy moments; Depp is good at going from eccentric to creepy too.
- If I could get uploaded, I could probably get a lot more babes.
- A lot of complex science crap for my beer-soaked brain.
- Some of this has been explored in other movies, from TRON to THE MATRIX to HER. Would make a good “theme night.”
- Once you suspend disbelief and buy in to the premise about uploading someone’s consciousness into a computer, there are too many other parts that fall apart because of things established earlier.
- The one chick that’s kinda hot never shows anything. The girlfriend is built like a schoolboy (other than a decent butt) but there’s no sex at all.
- I had no idea who “Martin” was and why the girl wanted to talk to him. Didn’t find out until I looked up the name online after the film. I wasn’t paying attention long enough to learn the dude’s name.
- The morals are pretty messed up as the ones painted as “good guys” are actually murderous terrorists. What the hell?
- The ending really falls apart. (No spoilers, but there’s too much of, “If he could do that, why didn’t he just do this?” and “If X happened, why wouldn’t Y happen after?” type of thing.)
To paraphrase a famous phrase, the end didn’t justify the scenes. Looks like another Johnny Deppstick project not measuring up. If you dig the whole science thing that much, better to upload a season of Sheldon on BIG BANG THEORY instead. Catch it on cable someday if you’re that curious or a major Depp fan, but there are just way too many other movies worth your (and my) time. Ho-hum.
P.S.: People say Pascale’s art can transcend your expectations. I just keep wishing his breath would transcend my nose. But if you collect art and want a cool commission for a dang good price, just ask Craig here!
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Wednesday’s Heroes, Mike Pascale, theorectical physicists, micro-biologists, software engineers, or home brewers. Do not attempt to pick up girls with the line, “Hey baby, wanna go to your place and upload my hard drive?”